


Not All Who Wander Are Lost

by trebleklef



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Hospitalization, Humanstuck, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-02-15 18:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2239125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trebleklef/pseuds/trebleklef
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat, a ghost caught in limbo, just might have to adjust to having a room mate close to death himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. WEEK 1

WEEK 1

DAY 1 AT 12:30 AM

It had been a cool autumn night that night. He had opened the window to get some fresh air into the dingy room that hadn't been used in at least a year. He drank it all in, the smells of autumn in a bustling city. The midnight moon's light flooded the pale white room with a small cot, also draped in white. Sterile fucking white. Along with the disgusting white walls, and sheets, the black floors seemed to be even worse. What was the worst though were the machines. All the medical machines with all their life saving purposes even if the treatment hurt. God he hated it. He hated how he'd been stuck in the same place for five years, watching lives just come and go like the rain. Much like his life was gone in a flicker and so short lived.

Karkat Vantas sat on the window sill, his window sill, looking down from the 20th floor of a hospital in the middle of Maine, looking down at the world that had betrayed him. 

At this point in his sad existence, limbo didn’t seem like that much of a thrill ride anymore. Sure it was better than getting judged at the so called gates of Heaven and Hell, but how he had died reflected his fate in the afterlife clearly, and the soul piper just wasn't interested in his cause. He was literally fucked. 

That was, until tonight.

Tonight was different from the others. 

The lights blared on and Karkat spun around to see who was coming into the room. A gurney burst through the door, its wheels screeching on the black linoleum flooring. Karkat got a good look at the poor sucker who got stuck in this room this time; a young man who looked to be at least in his twenties covered in bloody bandages, stitches and burns. What the fuck happened?

He floated off the sill to see the doctors quickly lift the man's limp body to the small cot in the middle of the room. The medical team hastily hooked him up to the various machines in the room. Karkat knew what each and every one of them did. As soon as a life support system was hooked up to the banged up man, Karkat felt his stomach knot. Not again. Not like this. 

It was a good hour before the paramedics left the room and a solid beeping pattern was the only sound that was left. Karkat looked at the man's face. It had been badly burned on the left side, and a set of stiches laid beneath his right eye. Karkat walked over to view this patient's chart. The name on the paper was 'Eridan Ampora'. No, now that Karkat knew this man's name, it would be harder when he dies. They always died in here. There was little to no exception.

The cool air flowing in the room suddenly felt like a harsh winter wind. It was a miracle that the doctors didn't notice the random open window. They avoided using this room at all costs but he guessed that there was a shortage in space. Karkat dropped the clipboard and it clanged against the metal. He stepped back a little, feeling sick.

Why did I do that? He thought to himself as he floated back over to the window sill, feeling upset and as if he would vomit from the amount of stress running through his veins. 

But he couldn't. He was a ghost. Ghosts didn't vomit, or feel stress coursing through them. For once Karkat felt more human than anything else. As if he felt a connection to this random stranger in a hospital bed, hooked up to various IVs and blood transfusions barely hanging on to his life like a thread. Did he know this Eridan Ampora? High school perhaps?

Karkat shook his head. That was the last place he wanted to think of. That’s what got him stuck in the current mess he was in in the first place. He glanced down at his own pale white skin draped in the same black hoodie and grey jeans he had worn when he died. Even the converse he wore were the same. He sighed. Was what he did really worth it?

Another harsh breeze and Karkat sucked his teeth. Bad idea having the window open with a guy who's practically dying lying in the room with him. Karkat hopped off the sill and closed the window and drew the curtains to rid himself of that awful light that reminded him he was stuck in a hospital of all places. Why couldn't he be stuck at home? At least he would haunt his family and still be in their company. Not be in the company of the terminally ill, or the accident related deaths he's seen roll out of the room in body bags. 

He plopped down on the floor and rolled up his sleeves, his scars still a constant reminder of what an idiot he had been. Regret was a dish best served ice cold, and boy did Karkat feel the icy remnants of what he once was. A sickly kid who decided to take his life into his own hands because he didn’t want anything else to take it away from him. He wanted to decide that, not have someone else do it for him. 

DAY 1 AT 3:45 AM

As the time on the clock flew by, Karkat stared at the cot in deep thought. He wondered what even happened to Eridan. What could have caused these severe lesions? He curled up on the floor, wondering if he would float down to the room below. It was bad enough that he was stuck in the god awful room he once called home, but it was the dull tone of the heart monitor that made it a living hell.It was a constant rhythm in the dark, followed by a glowing red light coming from the EKG. He was hoping that it would eventually flat line, so that it wouldn't be so irritating anymore. He hated that stupid machine. 

As the beeps began to change rhythm, Karkat looked up in surprise. He got up off the floor and walked over to see what the problem was. He saw that Eridan was just stirring, and actually trying to wake up.

“Hah, coma my ass. Stupid quacks,” Karkat sneered, kicking the linoleum flooring. “That chart was totally a load of horse shit.”

Eridan began to stir more as Karkat spoke, making him flush with what seemed to be heat. Had Eridan heard him? Could this strange man even see him let alone communicate with him? Karkat thought about speaking again. It seemed like a good idea. 

“Hey, fuckface in the hospital bed,” Karkat said rather loudly. Another groan out of the accident patient. “If you can hear me, wake the fuck up.”

And so Karkat saw his bright green eyes. It suddenly made sense with Eridan's fair freckled skin. He very well knew his eye colour based upon that alone, but how? 

“Alright, I'm up. What do you want?” Eridan said, his voice raspy and dry. 

Karkat could feel his legs give out from underneath him. Lucky he could float. Eridan could actually hear him. Suddenly the hope that Eridan would flat line felt like sand in his mouth.

“How many fingers am I holding up?” Karkat asked, flipping Eridan the bird.

“You're hilarious. That is the last thing I need you jackass,” Eridan replied, turning away, acknowledging Karkat's rude gesture. 

If Karkat could sweat, he would be at this point. No one had ever interacted with him in the hospital. No one could see him. They could see the childish things he would do to the machines to interfere with treatment or draw on the patient's face, but this was the first time that someone could actually SEE him physically.

“Wait wait wait wait, you can see me? Like actually see me? You're not messing with me right? Because thats even fucking ruder to someone whom no one can ever fucking see,” Karkat felt his voice crack in the middle of his rant.

“Yeah I can see you. Relax, I'm sure the people who say they can't are just pretendin'. Get some new friends pal,” Eridan said casually.

“No chance,” Karkat grumbled. “They actually can't see me.”

“That's bullshit,” 

“How fucking dense are you? You must have suffered some head trauma you red headed shit faced baboon!” Karkat hissed.

“Jesus, why the sudden outrage?” Eridan asked, taken aback.

“I'm dead!” 

DAY 4 11:12 AM

The tension in the room had grown over the past few days. Eridan was sharing his room with a ghost. That wasn't exactly his perception of an ideal room mate, but at least he wasn't alone. Alone in a creepy hospital room would have been worse than sharing it with a ghost oddly enough. Eridan had once loved the mythical and supernatural, but that had all been fake. Until now that is.

Day in and day out, he would watch Karkat sulk on the window sill. He would ask him questions or try to talk to him, but Karkat just ignored him. He had been brooding since the first day that Eridan arrived at the hospital. Eridan still hadn't a clue about what happened or how he ended up in the hospital to begin with. He figured he had hit his head somehow and that’s why he was here. He actually had no idea that he was involved in some kind of freak accident at his job. 

It was then that Karkat spoke. 

“You do know that you have horrendous burns covering your body and some of your face right?” Karkat had asked, the first thing he had actually said in three days. 

Eridan gave him a confused look. “Why is it that I ask you all sorts of questions and you never answer, but you expect me to answer yours almost instantly,” He sighed.

“It's not a question. I'm telling you that you are covered in really bad injuries. Here I'll grab you a mirror.” Karkat hopped off the window sill and grabbed a compact from the table next to it. 

“Wait if you're a ghost, how can you pick stuff up?” Eridan asked in disbelief.

“Out of everything you asked, I'm not answering that one. That’s on the top of the list of questions I refuse to answer. Along with how I died. Fuck you.” Karkat placed the small mirror in the pale man's hand.

“You never answer any of my questions,” Eridan said, rather disappointed.

Karkat scoffed and returned to his favourite place in the room. Eridan flipped open the mirror and squinted. A couple seconds later, it sounded like an American horror movie in room 290. “Don't fucking do that unless you want the quacks to show up!” Karkat yelled. Eridan dropped the mirror and it shattered on the floor, and Karkat felt his heart drop. 

“Great job. You have MS or something? Or can you not fucking hold on to something without breaking it? That fucking mirror was important to me you douche!” Karkat rushed over to collect the broken pieces. 

“How was it important?” Eridan asked, pissed. 

“It belonged to someone I loved, okay?” Karkat snapped back.

“Ooh so the ghost has a sensitive side,” Eridan teased. 

“I'll fucking rip your IV out if you keep that up. You're practically immobile. You're entirely at my digression.” 

Eridan placed his hand over the catheter in his arm. He wasn't sure if Karkat was serious or not. He could touch physical objects, but he hoped that the hospital equipment was out of his reach. Eridan had a home and job to go home to, he couldn't die just yet. And he certainly wouldn't let the angsty ghost in front of him take his life away. 

DAY 5 AT 3:40 PM

Karkat was angry at Eridan for breaking his mirror. Even if it hadn't been a physical object in the world of the living anymore, it still meant a lot to him. It had belonged to the girl that he had sought after and loved more than anything, even if she didn't return his feelings. Thinking of her now left a sour, unpleasant taste in his mouth. She was among the dead now, and she was as far away from Karkat as possible. He held the pieces of the mirror close to where his heart would beat. He could still feel it breaking, just like the mirror.

Eridan had apologized a thousand times, but Karkat refused to accept his apology. Obviously the dullard hadn't realized how valuable the keepsake was. Karkat wasn't sure if it was resentment he felt or hatred. 

“Look I'm sorry about the mirror,” Eridan had said for the millionth time.

“Fuck, determined aren't you?” Karkat replied, hunched over on the sill.

“Well I feel terrible. Obviously the mirror was a treasure of yours and I wrecked it,” he added solemnly.

Karkat threw the pieces at Eridan. He had missed and the mirror shattered even more against the wall. 

“Hey! What the hell?” Eridan shrieked.

Karkat slid off the sill and plopped himself down in the corner furthest away from the cot. This new room mate had been testing his patience since day one. Why didn't he just pull the plug on the life support machine? Surely it would have saved him all this misery bullshit. He had already been through this, he honestly didn't need to go through it again.

DAY 7 AT 6:12 AM

Karkat hadn't budged from the corner he sat in in over two days. Eridan was starting to think Karkat had more going on with his afterlife than he had previously thought. There was something about him that seemed vaguely familiar. Perhaps in the news. Hell he didn't even know the guy's name and he was sharing a room with him.

“Hey, you in the corner,” Eridan tried to call out.

“I forgot to tell you my name didn't I?” Karkat muttered.

Eridan felt stupid suddenly. He had never asked for it. He'd asked every other question he could think of, but not the most important ones.

“I'm Karkat,” he said, uncurling himself from the corner. “I feel like I know you from somewhere,” Eridan said, adjusting himself. Karkat got up and walked over to Eridan. He stood next to the cot and touched Eridan's face. Specifically the stitches underneath his right eye. Eridan flinched at the cool touch. It felt like just a breeze of cool air brushing his cheek. “You know, I could say the same to you,” Eridan said softly, his eyes closed. 

Just then, the door clicked open and Karkat backed away from Eridan startled. Eridan too jumped at the door opening. Karkat ran to his comfort zone in the room; the window sill. He sat there as the door opened and a nurse donned in scrubs walked into the room. Karkat figured it was just a scheduled TPR. The staff liked to start early in the morning to see how their patients were doing. Karkat felt guilt course through him when he saw the nurse's face. He couldn't believe that she still worked here.

“So how are you doing today Mr Ampora?” her voice was just as Karkat remembered it, nurturing and kind. 

“It is pretty early to be asking that question, don't you think?” Eridan asked, rather sourly.

Karkat saw himself in Eridan at that moment. The pissed off kid in the hospital bed that honestly had better things to do with his time. Eridan wasn't his age, but sure acted like it at times. In the full week that Karkat has known Eridan, Karkat began to remember things from his life. Specifically things he needed to let go. 

He had heard that the only reason ghosts hang around their place of death was because of some 'unfinished business' in the world of the living. Karkat couldn't remember what that business was, but he was hoping that with this stranger he could find those missing things and possibly move on.


	2. WEEK 2

WEEK 2 

DAY 8 AT 4:13 PM

Karkat found that he had better things to do with his time than baby sit a rich brat. Eridan was a royal pain in the ass. He wondered why of all people it was this stupid, pompous asshole. Eridan was extremely rude to the nurse who was so kind, and Karkat found it disgusting. 

“Hey, asshole. Instead of being rude to Feferi, fucking treat her with respect!” Karkat yelled from his sill. He didn't even want to face Eridan. He was completely done with his bullshit and ready to just jump out of the window. If he could that is. 

“I don't undertstand what the problem is! She fucking pokes me with needles everyday. I have some right to complain here,” Eridan whined.

Karkat felt his fist curl up at his side. “If she didn't poke you with all those needles you'd probably be dead, so stop fucking complaining.” he said sourly. 

Eridan poked his catheter. “Nah, Kar this is what is keeping me kicking. This and the shitty food here like seriously. Where does the funding go?” he continued to complain.

“Cut it out. You're fortunate,” Karkat growled.

“Fortunate? Ha, you've got to be kidding me. I lost my family in a car accident. That’s hardly fortunate,” Eridan said, his voice raspy and dry. “I've got no where to go.”

“Wait, your chart said you are twenty three. You can live on your own you know. Or are you that privileged that you can't?” Karkat's tone was becoming more and more nasty as the conversation progressed. 

“Uh no, my dad cut me out of his will, I get nothing. The house will be repossessed by the bank and I'll be a homeless bum. I suppose Sol could help me out but he hates my guts,” Eridan said sheepishly.

“Wait, Sol? As in Sollux?” Karkat asked, turning around to face Eridan. He really didn't want to see the undeserving mug. Eridan nodded. “Sollux CAPTOR?” Karkat asked again, eyes lighting up. “Yeah that's him. Why?”

Karkat felt his unbeating heart in his throat. It was like a cold dead lump. A reminder that he left behind so many that he cared for. And so many that cared for him. 

DAY 8 AT 7:19 PM

Karkat thought that talking about people he once knew would let him see past Eridan's arrogant ways but obviously he was wrong. 

When the nurse that Karkat loved so dearly walked into the room, Eridan's attitude turned sour very quickly. 

“Oh god you aren't going to stick me with more needles are you?” he whined. Karkat felt anger prickle in his spine. “Of course not. Don't be silly. I just have some medication for you to take,” Feferi said, pill bottle in hand.

Eridan made some gagging noises at the thought of taking pills. Especially taking them without water. Karkat was even more annoyed at this. He was on all sorts of drugs that the quacks called him “popper” because he had so many and he made multiple trips to the doctor in his high school career. 

“Oh come on its not that bad,” She added sweetly. Eridan turned his head in disgust. She sighed. “Look, just take them when you are ready okay? But take them before you go to bed. It's really important that you do.”

Eridan mimicked her terribly before snatching the pill bottle from her. Feferi couldn't help her kind nature, but this was ridiculous. 

As she left, Karkat jumped off the window sill onto the floor, furious. “The fuck did i say a few hours ago? Fucking respect her!” he yelled.

“How about she respect me, look at the size of this pill Kar! And no water,” Eridan complained. God Karkat was done with the complaining.

“Fuck off! At least you don't have Cancer!”

Eridan went to say something, but stopped dead in his tracks. “What...?” he asked. He didn't understand where the sudden mention of Cancer came from. Is that what Karkat died from?

“Kar, don't tell me you died that way,” Eridan's voice had a layer of sincerity to it. Karkat turned away so that he couldn't even see the pathetic way Eridan's red eyebrows arched when he made that face. The face that matched his tone of voice. He hated that face. 

“No, no it wasn't. If it was I would be in heaven right now I can tell you that much,” Karkat said, his voice cracking on the word 'heaven'. “And more importantly, I wouldn't be stuck in this stupid room with you.”

Eridan's expression changed drastically. Karkat could hear it in his voice. “Well pardon me for needing to be in the hospital your majesty,” he growled. “If you're stuck here then how the fuck did you die?” Karkat hated how Eridan kept prying at him, so he finally decided to tell the truth.

“I commited suicide and ended up here!” Karkat yelled, hopping off his sill. “There! You fucking happy now? You glad that you know that I fucked up? That I'm stuck in this fucking room where I died? Satisfied?!” 

Eridan felt himself sink in the hospital bed. He felt his heart stop when Karkat flung off his hoodie and showed him his scars. 

The heart monitor was the only sound in that room until the doctor showed up for his daily rounds. All Eridan could do was sit in silence and regret what he had just done. 

DAY 8 AT 10:39 PM.

It had been while since Eridan fell asleep. Karkat found himself in the same corner he sat in when Eridan first arrived at the hospital. He wanted nothing more than to die again. Maybe this time he would end up somewhere that wasn't completely terrible with people who pry and poke at him until he breaks. He was done with people breaking him. 

He stood up and walked over to Eridan, hooked up to all the machines in the room. Karkat looked at the numbers on the IV machine. 60ML per hour. Karkat knew how to change the numbers on the machine, but would that seriously make a difference? Would it make him feel any better? Probably not. This was just a wasted attempt at getting back at someone who just wanted the truth, and to be honest who doesn't want the truth, no matter how ugly it can seem. 

He glared at the heart monitor. Why was Eridan even hooked up to that still? It had been a week, his heart would be stable by now with all the blood transfusions he received. Besides, Eridan didn't even lose that much blood. Why did he still need the monitor?

Suddenly it flat lined.

Karkat felt his entire being freeze. “What the fuck?” He screamed into the dark. “No! He was fine what the fuck happened?!”

Karkat found himself pounding on the door, crying out for help. Crying helplessly despite the fact that no one could actually hear him. The alarm on the machine went off and it was loud. Louder than his desperate cries for help. He didn't want Eridan to leave in a body bag. 

As he screamed at the door, he realized he cared for this random stranger. Despite the fact that he had pried at him until he admitted the truth, well partly the truth. He didn't know everything yet. 

The doctors burst through the door, walking right through Karkat. This made him feel sick. It reminded him that he was merely a ghost; helpless and useless. He couldn't even yell for help. It was the alarm that brought the quacks in, not him. He hadn't even touched the machines either, Eridan was actually in danger and for once Karkat actually felt like it was his fault. 

He peeked over the quacks as they brought out the defibrillator and yelled out their codes that seemed like another language. After five years he still wasn't fluent in it. As another hand went through him, Karkat had to stand back. He didn't need these constant reminders. It was hard enough that he was about to lose the one person he had actually had a chance to communicate with, even if he was sick of the constantly complaining and whining. He just needed Eridan to keep him from going crazy. 

Karkat backed up enough that he hit his sill. His window sill. He panicked. This was his sill that he sat on every damn day. Every waking hour where the janitors would clean the empty room so no dust remained. They tried to keep it sterile even though they knew it was haunted. This window sill was Karkat's only connection to the outside world. He literally could not leave his room. It was as if he was shackled to the window and was dragged back violently every time he tried to leave. And he really wanted to leave. 

He opened his window and had the autumn breeze fill the room once again. Just like the very first night. Just the very first night where Eridan came into the room nearly dead and lived for a week. No, he was going to live longer than that. Karkat would make sure of it. He would make sure that Eridan was one of those who got out of there alive. 

DAY 9 AT 12:12 AM

Karkat had fallen asleep before he could hear the heart monitor return to its regular rhythm. He was slumped over by his window sill, feeling the breeze run down his neck and through his shaggy black hair. He shivered when the breeze managed to run down his shirt. He then curled up under the window, feeling something soft as he placed his head on the floor. Wait, something soft? 

Karkat bolted upright in the dark. He saw a pillow sitting on the floor, as well as a blanket. Who had left this for him? It couldn't have been Eridan. Then Karkat remembered; Eridan.

He heard the steady beep return as he looked up at the cot. He felt the elephant on his chest evaporate into thin air. Eridan was okay. Thank god. 

He looked back down at his mysterious pillow and blanket ensemble on the floor. Once his eyes adjusted to the dimlight, he noticed there was a note on the pillow. 

Don't think i have forgotten about you. I know you're still here and for that I'm sorry. This is the least I can do for you now.  
Goodnight  
-Feferi

Karkat stared in awe at the note in his hand. At the lack of light, he was not able to see the bright magenta pen she had used. He also noticed that the window had been closed and that his sill had been cleaned off. There was no longer any dirt there from when birds would land on it with their dirty feet when the window was open. Animals could see him, and they managed to keep away when Karkat flailed his arms around like a moron.

He also realized that the cool breeze he felt could have very well been the AC coming on because it was always hot in that particular room.

He sighed into the darkness. It seemed all was right with his little world once again.

He got up off the floor and walked over to Eridan's cot and looked at the chart. Nothing had changed. He thought maybe the blood that he had received wasn't compatible with Eridan's and that’s why his heart stopped. But then again he had no idea what could have caused it and making assumptions wasn't up his alley. All he could really do was just let the whole situation go.

But that wasn't like him either. He held on to things until they became scars. Maybe this was a lesson that he could learn and move on with. He could learn to live and let live, even if he was dead. 

He then placed his head on the soft object on the floor and fell back asleep. 

DAY 9 AT 9:30 AM

Karkat awoke to the sound of chirping bird and a heart monitor, as usual. His bloodshot eyes fluttered open and he saw how the sun made the floor warm and nice to lay upon. The blanket he was given seemed to phase right through him and it lay on the floor flat. “Why did I even think that was going to stay on me when I'm a ghost? I'm a fucking joke,” he muttered before sitting up.

“Hey you aren't a joke,” a voice came from the cot. 

Eridan.

Karkat bolted up and rushed over to see him. He wanted to make sure everything was fine and dandy now that Eridan was awake. God after that night Karkat would have figured that Eridan would be in a coma or something. “You're okay now right? No more complications or anything? You're going to get out of here alive, right?” Karkat felt the words rush out of his mouth like a water from faucet. 

“Yes, yes. I'm going to be alright. It was because i forgot to take the huge pill that this happened,” Eridan shrugged it off sheepishly and Karkat scoffed. “See there is a reason why Feferi does the things she does, okay? Never do that again oh my god,” Karkat sighed out in both anger and relief. 

Eridan saw relief in Karkat's dark eyes, but it was hard for him to fathom what kind of things were behind those eyes. “You know Kar,” Eridan began. “I've always really liked dark eyes.”

Karkat actually felt a thump in his chest. Something that was so foreign and a feeling that he had forgotten. He was so surprised by this that he nearly fell over. 

“I think I felt a heartbeat,” Karkat said breathlessly. 

Eridan stared at him in amazement. “What? Did I make that happen?” Eridan asked, baffled. Karkat nodded feverishly. 

What Karkat did next suprised him more than it should have. He cupped Eridan's face into his hands. Eridan was so warm. He then leaned in close and their lips met. 

Karkat felt Eridan shiver slightly and the cold embrace, but he didn't pull away. The moment seemed to make time stand still. Soon, Karkat could feel Eridan's warm hands running through his shaggy hair and it made their kiss feel all the more intimate. Karkat wanted it to last forever.

But all good things must come to an end. They slowly backed away from one another and their eyes met as they opened. Eridan was blushing wildly and Karkat smirked. “What's wrong? Never kissed a ghost before?” he asked with a chuckle. “Not really no, it was definitely a first,” Eridan replied with a squeak. 

“Can we do it again?”

DAY 10 AT 2:22PM

Visiting hours were fixed at the hospital. It was a pain in the ass for Sollux to drive down to Maine, but he decided he would visit Eridan just for kicks. 

Sollux was completely oblivious to why Eridan was in the hospital, he just knew he was in there. Knowing Eridan, it was probably for something stupid. But no, Sollux couldn't have been any more wrong. 

“Whoa, why the fuck are you covered in burns and stitches?” Sollux asked, rather monotone.

“Sol, I thought that Vris told you I got into an accident,” Eridan said, annoyed. Sollux gave Eridan a confused look. 

“Accident? Like car accident? Eheh, nice driving asshole,” he snickered.

“Can you not? I lost my family in that accident you fucking douche bag.”

Solllux's smile faded quickly. “Oh shit, I, uh. I'm sorry I had no idea,” he stuttered. He really did feel like a colossal douche bag. Eridan turned his head and huffed. 

Meanwhile, Karkat sat on his window sill in awe of Sollux's sudden visit. It annoyed him how he didn't remember the room. It had only been five years, had he really forgotten about him? 

“Look, anyway. I need to ask you a thing,” Eridan said, breaking the awkward silence and cutting through Karkat's tension. Sollux made a sound as to say “what is it?”

“Once I get out of here, I need somewhere to go. Can I stay with you for a while until I get back on my feet?” Eridan asked. 

Sollux gave him a disgusted look. “Uh, no. Don't you have anyone else you can bother about that? And another thing, I thought your dad was fucking loaded,” he said, trying to weasel himself out of living with a guy he couldn't stand for an ungodly amount of time.

“Ugh, like I said to Kar, I was cut out of my dad's wi-” Sollux cut Eridan off.

“Wait, Kar? Like KarKAT?” he asked, his tone becoming more hostile.

Karkat looked up at the mention of his name. When he saw how uncomfortable Sollux became, Karkat hopped off his sill and walked toward his so called 'best friend'. The same 'best friend' who never even attended his funeral. 

“Yeah. Karkat.” Eridan repeated.

“How the fuck do you even know his name?” Sollux asked, practically hissing through his teeth. 

Karkat placed his hand on Sollux's shoulder, but his hand went straight through. Karkat, startled, stepped back and stared at this hand. Sollux couldn't see him or even feel him. It was like Sollux just completely erased him from his life. “Some best friend you are!” Karkat yelled.

Eridan glanced over at Karkat who was punching through Sollux, tears beginning to flood his eyes. 

“You were supposed to be there for me and you fucking abandoned me when you knew! You cut all connections with me! Get the fuck out of this room!” Karkat yelled, voice cracking and hicupping through his sobs. 

“Sol, what connection do you have to Kar?” Eridan asked finally, breaking the silence that only Sollux could hear. He also didn't want to see Karkat like this anymore.

“What is it to you? Not to mention its none of your fucking business!” Sollux hissed.

Eridan's heart monitor began to quicken. Karkat looked up at it with worry, but he could see that Eridan was getting angrier and angrier at Sollux's defensive attitude.

“It is my business when he's fucking punching you claiming you betrayed him,” Eridan's tone was serious. 

Sollux stiffened. “Are you out of your fucking mind? Did you suffer severe head trauma or are you just really fucking stupid? Karkat is dead you idiot!” 

“Yes I know he's dead because he's a ghost!” Eridan yelled back. 

Sollux's expression changed from anger to shock within seconds. Eridan very well knew that Sollux believed in the supernatural and ghosts. Hell, his girlfriend was obsessed with all that shit. 

“So... he's a ghost... and you can see him?” Sollux stuttered.

DAY 10 AT 3:30 PM

Sollux couldn't believe it. He thought something like this was impossible. There had been silence in the room for the past hour, with the exception of Karkat bawling and uselessly beating Sollux. 

“I could, um, I could be sort of a medium so you could talk to him,” Eridan mentioned rather late.

“Um, yeah that would be great,” Sollux added solemnly. 

“So you don't know it, but he's crying and trying to beat you up,” Eridan pointed behind Sollux. 

Karkat stopped throwing punches and glanced over at Eridan. “I can't beat him up idiot! He can't communicate with me so I can't touch him!” he cried.

“I heard him say earlier that you betrayed him, do you know what he means by that?” Eridan asked, but acknowledged Karkat spoke with a nod. 

Sollux glanced behind his shoulder and actually managed to look directly at Karkat. He then glanced down at the black linoleum. 

“I guess you don't know how he died huh,” Sollux muttered. 

Karkat shook his head feverishly. “No Sollux!” His voice was panicked. “Don't tell him!” Eridan looked up at the remark. “I already said it!” Karkat's voice sounded like it was about to break. “Don't bring it up again!” Karkat looked like hell. He lost his cool and collected persona and it was replaced with something that seemed painful even to Eridan who was in the hospital with wounds from a painful accident. 

“Sol, he's yelling at you not to tell me,” Eridan said.

“What?” Sollux glanced behind him again. Karkat tried to slap his hand over Sollux's mouth, and managed to fall right through him. Karkat fell to the floor with a thump.

“He told me he killed himself,” Eridan said. 

Sollux looked at Eridan in confusion. “I don't remember it that way,” he said. “I remember he was stuck in this room for 6 months and missed a ton of school. I came by everyday to give him what we worked on. The school was kind enough to actually give KK the same schedule as me so he could actually manage to graduate with the rest of us.”

Karkat looked up at Sollux angrily. “Don't tell him all of it Sollux! Please!” 

“He was really sick. I remember that. For about 3 or 4 years he repeatedly visited this place. He was given god knows how many medications. I swear all the doctors had a name for him but I can't remember what it was.”

Karkat decided to just let Sollux say the truth and played along. “It was popper.” He stiffened as the word came out of his mouth. He hated that name. It was the most insulting thing anyone could have ever called him. Especially with all the problems he faced and that was the quacks humorous way of helping him, and it didn't. 

Eridan looked over at Karkat who had managed to curl himself up into a ball. 

“Sol wait, don't tell me,” Eridan interrupted. 

Sollux looked up at Eridan, surprised. “I thought you wanted to know,” he said confused.

“No, I'm going to let Karkat tell me when he's ready. He's obviously not ready yet so let's just leave it,” Eridan said.

Karkat sat up and looked over at Eridan. “Thank you,” he said.

“What is he doing anyway?” Sollux asked.  


“Well he was writhing on the floor a moment ago,” Eridan 

“Oh,” Sollux said, looking down at the floor. Karkat looked back up at Sollux. He remembered the mismatched eyes and shaggy brown hair. His best friend. And Karkat had been wrong about their friendship ever ending. 

“I'm sorry Kk,” Sollux said to the floor. “I never meant to abandon you.” 

Karkat got up off the floor and tried to place a hand on Sollux's head. It just fell right through, as expected but it did catch Sollux's attention.

“KK,” he whispered. “That breeze was you wasn't it?”

“Yeah, I'm here Sollux. I'm still here.”

DAY 11 AT 8:30 PM

“You know Kar, it seems we're both stuck in this room,” Eridan said, fiddling with a TV remote. Karkat had finally gotten the thing working for him and it scared the quacks. At least they would leave the two of them alone for the night.

“Huh, yeah we are stuck in here. Except you can actually physically leave if need be,” Karkat said, flipping through a magazine he found under the bed. It was old and contained very old celebrity gossip. From at least four years ago he thought. 

“What do you mean?” Eridan asked, putting the remote down. 

“I mean I literally can't leave. When I try it hurts really bad,” Karkat put the magazine down on the sill. 

“Oh god don't actually show me. I don't want you to hurt anymore,” Eridan said, his voice sweet. 

Karkat smiled and hopped off his sill. “Thank you Eridan,” he said before sitting on the foot of Eridan's bed. 

“No need to thank me,” Eridan chuckled. “I just want you not to hurt. I kinda wish you weren't stuck here if it hurts you,” he said.

Karkat shrugged. “Eh, as long as i got you here I don't hurt.”  
“What are you going to do when I leave?”

The question made a chill run up Karkat's spine. “Well I'll have to haunt you,” he joked. 

But in actuality Karkat had no idea what he was going to do when Eridan left. He kept track of how many days it would take for Eridan to be completely healed up and ready to go, and it was only a couple more weeks until he would leave. Karkat needed to find some way to move on by then or else he would be stuck in the room for possibly eternity. That was something that he couldn't bear to think about. 

After a few minutes of silence, Eridan spoke up. “Hey Kar, you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah I'm okay,” Karkat stammered.

But Karkat knew that things weren't going to be okay.


	3. WEEK 3

WEEK 3

DAY 15 AT 12:00 AM

Karkat had found himself running through the halls of floor 20. He knew this was impossible. He couldn't leave the room. Yet, he was running through the hallways, searching for a stairwell. Searching for a way out. 

Every door he went to use was locked. He felt like a mouse in a maze for some sick scientist's experiment. It was torturing him. He begun to panic, feeling that heart beat once again. The sickening thumping in his chest that was almost too painful for him to manage. His breathing was fast and strained. Each breath felt like daggers in his lungs. He then realized he was running not as a ghost, but as a living being.

He looked down at his clothes, the same clothes he knew. The same clothes he died in. They quickly changed into a dull blue grey hospital gown. No, this is what he died in. He didn't die in his favourite hoodie and pair of jeans, he died in a hospital gown. Before long he felt himself scream for help.

“Kar! Wake up!” a voice called to him. It tore him from his madness. He was ripped from his psychotic world back into real world, where Eridan was standing over him with crutches. His eyebrows arched the same way they did before. His green eyes were flooded with concern.

“Kar, you're okay, okay? I'm here,” Eridan said, his voice cracking.

Karkat sat up from the floor, feeling drenched in sweat. He wiped his forehead and his skin was bone dry. He looked around the room and realized he was safe. No one was after him or making him run down hallways. He still wore his favourite hoodie jeans combo with his favourite grubby shoes. No hospital gown. No IV lines running to his arms. He was safe.

He looked over at Eridan who stood tall, leaning on the crutches. It then occurred to Karkat that it was really late. “Eridan what are you doing out of bed?” he hissed.

“You were writhing and screaming and I was worried,” Eridan said, feeling a hard lump in his throat. He recognized that it was a sob.

“Eridan I'm fine, okay? Just a really bad dream,” Karkat said, his voice hushed. 

Eridan slowly lowered himself to the floor to sit with Karkat. He struggled with the crutches and fell right down on his tailbone with a thud. He winced before adjusting himself so he could sit comfortably. He pulled Karkat into his arms and Karkat fell limp against Eridan. The warmth was overwhelming, as well as the thudding in his chest. Karkat then realized he could hear Eridan's heart beat as his head lay against his chest. It was fast. Had Karkat really scared Eridan that much?

The two sat there for while, reestablishing the calm atmosphere in the room. Karkat liked the sound of Eridan's beating heart. It made his situation less painful.

“Did your nightmare have anything to do with your death?” Eridan asked, his voice soft.

“Something like that,” Karkat murmured into the itchy cotton of the hospital gown Eridan wore. “I'm not ready to tell you about it yet.”

“No, no, I understand,” Eridan said, rubbing Karkat's back. “You tell me when you're ready to tell me.”

Karkat nodded, pressing his face closer into Eridan. For someone who was in the hospital for so long, and probably hasn't showered since the first day they met, Eridan smelled good. Like safety and like a warm house. Welcoming and loving. 

“Kar, your nose is poking a sensitive place,” Eridan said flatly.

Karkat pulled his head back and looked up at Eridan with a grin. 

“Way to ruin the moment, dipshit.”

DAY 16 AT 6:30PM

“Kar, you like romcoms right?” Eridan asked, flipping through the channels on his newly working TV. 

“Yeah, I do. I guess Sollux might have told you that. You're texting him nonstop. When's the wedding?” Karkat asked sarcastically, placing his magazine on the window sill.

“Kar, Sol and I aren't dating!” Eridan responded, rather flustered. “He's asking for updates on you specifically,” he added.

Karkat smiled. “Glad to know he hasn't given up on me,” he said, looking out the window. 

Karkat stared at the ground that stood so far away from him. He placed his hand flat against the invisible barrier that kept him in the room. It was like a box with no key. He sighed before returning the hand to his lap. 

“So!” he suddenly hopped on his window sill and plopped himself down on the corner of the cot. “What's on as far as romcoms go?” he added with a smile.

“Well there's this one,” Eridan said, using the remote to highlight the title in the TV guide. 'Just Like Heaven' starring Reese Witherspoon and Jon Heder. 

“Ironic,” Karkat said with a sneer.

“Hey it was just a suggestion!” Eridan said, defensively. 

“No, no, no its fine. I just find it funny you chose that one,” Karkat laughed. 

“I like Reese Witherspoon,” Eridan added shyly.

“And I like romcoms, so let's go!” 

“Really? Okay,” Eridan said, pressing the 'okay' button on the remote. 

DAY 16 AT 7:30 PM

The movie really didn't help with Karkat's nerves in the slightest. It just reminded him that he was going to be alone in a couple weeks and he would repeat his cycle of sitting on his window sill, hating the entire world for ignoring his existence.

“Kar, can I ask a really awkward question?” Eridan asked hesitantly.

“Yeah, go ahead,” Karkat said.

“Is your body still in the morgue here?” 

Karkat stiffened. Eridan wasn't kidding when he said it was an awkward question. Karkat really didn't want to answer that question, but at the same time he figured that letting things go and getting them off his chest would help him feel freer. 

“No,” he said flatly. He felt sick remembering the sight of his lifeless body in the hospital bed where Eridan now sat. Come to think of it, Karkat always thought they replaced the beds. He always saw a new bed when a corpse left. 

“I had a proper funeral,” he added, his voice shaking. He hated those memories. 

“Oh, so you're...” Eridan trailed off when he saw how badly Karkat was shaking. “Kar you don't have to tell me,” he added.

“No, its better that I let it go,” Karkat said, shifting on the cot.

“It was a rainy Saturday, I remember that for certain. My family were the only ones to actually attend, my brother and my father. They only went because they were obligated to. My life wasn't really a bunch of rainbows with the perfect childhood scenario. I was bullied a lot, and Sollux was my only friend in high school.”

Karkat paused, realizing he was going off topic. He breathed out in exasperation. 

“Anyway, my dad was extremely religious. Like more so than any other religious person you could know, and you know how suicide is viewed in their eyes. He said to the priest that my soul deserved no absolution. He said that my suicide was a waste and I would burn in hell for it. My brother held no pity for me either. He said that I deserved the death I received. They hated me for what I did, claimed it was selfish, when they didn't help me or stand by me when i actually needed it.”

Karkat stopped abruptly and vigorously wiped his eyes. Fuck, why was he crying? This story was stupid. His family was stupid. He shouldn't have been crying over this stupid shit anymore. 

Eridan looked over at Karkat, his face in his hands. He placed a hand on his shoulder in sympathy.

“Let it out Kar. By the sounds of it your family didn't even deserve you. You're wonderful.”

“No I'm not! I'm horrible and I'm a stupid, selfish person! My father was fucking right! I deserve this shit I'm going through. I didn't know it could have been fucking cured and I did this shit!” Karkat cried.

“What could be cured?” Eridan asked, trying to calm Karkat down. 

“The- You know what no, never mind. Not now,” Karkat said, pulling his hands away from his face. “I can't. Not now.”

“Okay, you can tell me when you are ready,” Eridan said, trying to mask his worried tone. 

Eridan opened his arms and Karkat flew right into them, his body racked with harsh sobs. 

DAY 16 AT 10:26 PM

Karkat had decided to try and sleep in the bed with Eridan that night, hoping it would rid him of another terrible nightmare. His hypothesis however, did not yield any results. 

He was lying on his side staring out the window, much like he did when he was alive. The stars seemed brighter to him now. Specifically one constellation: Cancer. 

He scoffed and turned over. He mentioned the word once and now it seemed to haunt him. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. When he opened them he saw Eridan in close proximity. Suddenly the way his red eyebrows arched seemed adorable. He adored Eridan's face. His freckled cheeks that held so much warmth to them, the way his nose sat crookedly on his face as if it had been broken before. The glasses marks that seemed to be indents on his pale white skin. His eyesight must have been horrible. Eridan never arrived with glasses, which meant he was pretty much blind as a bat. 

“Hey, you awake?” Karkat whispered into the dark, as if he thought he could disturb anyone else in the world if he spoke out loud. 

Eridan groaned slightly, then blinked a couple times.

“I am now,” he said with a yawn. 

“How are you able to sleep in this bed?” Karkat asked, still whispering.

“Its a bed, simple as that,” Eridan said, groggily.

Karkat got to see those jade green eyes again, more closely than before. Those eyes held quite a story. Possibly one about his accident, or one about his life. They were sad, those eyes. They seemed to hold regret and sadness. 

“But its all itchy,” Karkat pouted.

Eridan laughed. “Go to bed Kar.”

“I can't,” Karkat complained.

Eridan smiled and gave him a quick kiss. The warmth fluttered through Karkat in waves. He liked that warmth. It was enough to make him feel sleepy. 

“Well, now I can,” Karkat chuckled. He then curled up beside Eridan, feeling the warmth engulf him and he thought it was wonderful. Better than a blanket even. He soon fell asleep and avoided that nightmare he wanted to erase from his mind. 

DAY 19 AT 2:30 PM

Sollux had planned to visit again today. But Karkat wasn't expecting him to bring someone else along.

Eridan had been texting him back and forth all morning, to see if today would be suitable to bring her over. Eridan wanted it to be a surprise for Karkat, but in fact it was the opposite. 

Karkat was sitting on the window sill, the mirror shards in hand from her mirror. The one object that she gave him and it meant the world to him. Now that it was shattered, he felt freer from her grasp. That was, until Sollux knocked on the door. 

“Eridan, why did she come along?” Karkat asked, on the edge of his sill as Sollux entered the room with his guest. 

“She wanted to see, err well, hear from you too,” Eridan said, hesitantly. 

Terezi Pyrope was the last person Karkat wanted to see today, if at all. 

Karkat threw the mirror shards on the ground and walked over to the corner again. Terezi jumped at the noise. 

“Sorry about that, he's a little... um well... he's a little upset that I didn't tell him you were coming,” Eridan said meekly. 

“I'm more than upset you asshole!” Karkat cried. 

“Ugh, I knew he would be. Why didn't you tell him?” Sollux asked, annoyed. 

“How was I supposed to know that he would be upset?” Eridan asked.

“Karkat, don't be upset, okay?” Terezi said out loud. “I had no idea that this would happen.”

“It wasn't you. You're so fucking vain,” Karkat hissed. 

Eridan looked over at the corner where Karkat sat, curled up into a ball defensively. Almost like a cat who's territory was just invaded. 

“He just called you vain,” Eridan said, swinging his legs around so that he could get up off the bed.

“Of course he would,” Terezi muttered.

Karkat stood up from his corner and walked over to the sill to pick up the mirror shards. He knew that Terezi could see that of all things. Her eyes followed the shards as they moved. He knew her eyesight was terrible, but he knew that this would be something that would catch those barely seeing eyes. It would be blurry, but she would be able to see the reflecting light that caught the shards of the mirror. His hand was see through to her. 

“Wait, that's--!” she exclaimed.

“That’s right it's your mirror. Smashed to pieces like you did to me,” Karkat said as he held it over the edge of his window sill. 

“Eridan what is he saying now?” she asked, watching the pieces of the compact mirror as they hovered over the edge of the window. 

“He claims you smashed him to pieces. If I know him well enough, I would say he's referring to his heart being smashed to pieces,” Eridan said, reaching for his crutches. 

“Terezi,” Sollux said, looking over at her. His gaze was poisonous. “You said you were going to let him down easy all those years ago. Don't tell me you fucking lied to me all this time.”

Terezi looked at the two boys she could see before her, then her eyes darted back to the mirror shards. 

“She lied to you Sollux, she fucking crushed me,” Karkat hissed through his teeth.

Eridan's gaze fell on Karkat, who was struggling to hold back all the hurt he felt. His hands were curled up in fists so tight that they were even whiter than his skin. The mirror shards cut through his hands, and it occurred to Eridan that ghosts could bleed. 

“These shards are what I used Eridan. To get all these scars,” Karkat said, his voice like ice as he gestured to his arm. 

“ED what is he saying?” Sollux asked.

“She didn't let him down easy, and he used the shards of the mirror to self harm,” Eridan said, choking on the invisible lump in his throat that suddenly appeared as tensions grew in the small room. 

Time stood still for a minute, as all eyes were on Terezi Pyrope. 

“Don't you get the wrong fucking idea! She's not the reason I killed myself! Why the fuck does everyone assume that?” Karkat exclaimed, bringing his hand back into the room, the shards moving with. He threw his arm to his side with a huff. He was tired of all the stupid assumptions that Sollux held on to. It was hard enough that Karkat couldn't let go, but why couldn't Sollux?

“It's not her fault,” Eridan said, breaking the silence.

“What?” the two visitors asked in unison.

“Terezi isn't the reason that Karkat killed himself,” he added.

“Then what was the reason?” Terezi asked, angrily.

“I thought I told you TZ,” Sollux said. “I'll tell you again later. KK said he wanted to be the one to tell ED.”

Terezi swallowed hard and looked back at the window. Karkat stared right back at her, her milky blue eyes hidden behind red tinted shades. Her fiery red hair that hadn't changed since that day. It was no wonder he fell in love with her. He fell head over heels and little did he know that he would have suffered for his love.

DAY 19 AT 7:50 PM

“Kar, you've been pacing since three, tell me what's up,” Eridan said, his voice drenched in concern. 

“I just can't believe that douchebag would bring her here. I mean come on how fucking low can you go?” Karkat asked, stopping dead in his tracks and throwing his arms down at his sides.

“What happened between you and Ter, huh?” Eridan asked delicately.

Karkat threw himself down on the edge of the bed and breathed heavily. “She fucking broke my heart, that’s it,” he said, holding back the urge to scream. 

“Kar, what did you say before about letting go?” Eridan asked. 

“This is really fucking hard to let go of, okay?” Karkat seethed, his voice like venom. “Have you ever fucking loved someone as much as I adored her? I did everything she ever wanted. She fucking took advantage of the fact that I adored her above all else! She-!” 

Eridan then cut him off with a kiss. Karkat's tense frame soon relaxed into his favourite, warm feeling that he never wanted to let go of. This was love. The false guise of love he felt for Terezi was painful and imaginary. 

As their lips parted, Eridan pulled Karkat close to share his warmth.

“Kar I adore you,” he whispered into Karkat's ear. “If I had known you when you were alive I would've never done something that terrible to you. I love you.”

The words seemed cruel. Karkat pushed his head into Eridan's shoulder as the three saccharine coated words echoed in his head. He hadn't heard those words before. Not even his father uttered those words in his presence.

“No one has ever said that to me before,” he muttered.

“Seriously Kar? Oh my god,” Eridan said, rubbing Karkat's back.

“So I guess what they say is true,” Karkat said. “You really do have to die before you're appreciated.”

DAY 21 AT 3:40PM 

It took a couple days for Karkat to fathom the concept of the three most intimate words of the English language. Eridan was a little more than astonished that he have never heard those words before when he was alive. How could someone live their life without hearing a single “I love you”?

Karkat had been silent for those two days, caught entire in thought and frozen at his window sill. 

“Kar?” Eridan asked finally. 

“Uh, yeah?” Karkat answered, sounding unsure of himself. His voice was a little wobbly, and felt like cracked glass. 

“Are you okay?” Eridan asked.

Karkat nodded before turning his head to look outside once again. The cool air brushed his cheek and it nuzzled the rest of him in its cold embrace. After a moment, he closed the window and hopped off the sill. 

“Did you really mean what you said the other day?” he asked, his voice hushed and nervous.

“Of course I did Kar. I wouldn't lie to you,” Eridan said, his tone sweet. 

“Well you're the first person who wouldn't,” Karkat muttered as he plopped himself down on the edge of the cot. He gently lowered his head into Eridan's lap, and stared upwards at Eridan's pale face, smiling gently back down at him.

“You're making me wish I never died I hope you know,” he said, cupping Eridan's face awkwardly.

“I wish you hadn't died either,” Eridan said, placing his hands on Karkat's. “This would have been more beautiful in a different scenario, and I wish I was there to help you when you needed it most,” he added, stroking the back of Karkat's hand with his thumb. 

“I was in a really bad state, are you sure?” Karkat asked, dropping his hands onto his chest. 

“I wouldn't have cared. I would have been there to help you,” Eridan sighed. 

The two of them sat in silence for a few minutes, and Karkat thought the whole scenario out. If he had known Eridan then, maybe he would be alive still. Maybe they would have been boyfriends, as ridiculous as that sounded in Karkat's head. He knew his father would have never allowed that for a single moment. The fact that he experimented with Sollux once disgusted his stupid, religious father. 

But none of that even mattered now. Eridan wouldn't have to meet that horrid man.

Now that Karkat thought about it, Eridan's relationship with his father didn't seem like sunshine and rainbows either. 

“Hey, Eridan?” Karkat asked, breaking the silence.

“Kar, I think that is the first time you actually used my name,” Eridan chucked. “What is it?”

“What was your relationship with your father like? I mean, you said earlier that he cut you out of his will,” Karkat asked, feeling awkward for even asking the question. 

“Oh, well,” Eridan began, sounding hesitant. “Ever heard of the Ampora trading company?” 

It suddenly clicked in Karkat's head. “So that's where I recognized your last name from,” he said.

“Yeah, my father was the CEO of that company, hence why it carried the name. Hell, he pretty much owned it. My family was considered aristocracy and I didn't spend much time with or around him. You know how in movies the rich guy's children are raised by nannies because he has no time for his kids? That was pretty much my childhood.

“I was home schooled for most of my life because there weren't private schools that allotted someone stupid like me. All I was ever good at was science and even the school system said I was shit at it. My dad was friends with quite a few prestigious people and figured that they would give me inspiration to actually do something with my life but all I really wanted to do was science as stupid as that sounds. I had inspiration from people who were famous in that field, not in the business field where my dad so desperately wanted me to go into.”

“That sounds familiar,” Karkat said, recalling how his father wanted him to be the next priest and start off as an altar boy. 

“Yeah, isn't it every father's biggest dream to have his youngest boy follow in his footsteps?” Eridan sighed.

“Seems like it. My dad wanted to make me a fancy religious nut job. Like that was ever going to happen. His bisexual son being a priest? Forget about it.”

“Yeah, the church doesn't see to kindly to that does it?” Eridan asked. Karkat just scoffed. 

“Anyway, the son that was supposed to inherit the company was Cronus. But my older brother was just as disinterested in it as me. He wanted to go off to do music and stuff like that. He was actually really good at it, but our father never really offered the right encouragement. He always said it was a waste of time. Even if Cronus was making at least one hundred dollars a gig, and had at least 5 a month. He wasn't the greatest older brother but he was my only brother, and pretty much told me to ignore everything our dad ever told us about how our hobbies were a waste of time.”

Karkat hummed softly to himself in thought. “I wish my brother was like that,” he said. 

“Yeah I guess I kinda lucked out then,” Eridan said. 

“A bit.”

“Haha, also. Another thing my dad could never accept in me was almost the same as your dad,” Eridan said, fidgeting.

Karkat looked up at the flustered man as he twiddled his thumbs.

“He always said to me to get a wife and start a family to continue our bloodline but I don't really like girls so...” Eridan trailed off. 

“Let me guess, he told you that you just couldn't find the 'right' girl,” Karkat said.

“Yeah, pretty much,” Eridan swallowed hard.

“Kind of bitter irony that you find 'the one' and that 'one' is a ghost,” Karkat laughed harshly. 

Eridan ran his fingers through Karkat's straw like hair. Karkat closed his eyes and nuzzled into Eridan's abdomen. His smell still felt safe. It was one of the top things on his list of things he was going to miss about Eridan.


	4. WEEK 4

WEEK 4

DAY 22 AT 10:09 AM

“Kar I just realized how ridiculous you would look as a priest,” Eridan snickered as he flipped through the channels on his TV.

“Pfft, and you would look ridiculous as a CEO. Though I bet you would look damn fine in a suit,” Karkat replied, tossing his magazine off the bed.

“How many times have you even read that old magazine?” Eridan asked, placing the remote back on the night stand. 

“Too many. I can tell you all about Angelina Jolie from 2009,” Karkat chuckled. 

They both laughed for a minute, until a snow flake hit the window.

“Kar! Kar! It's snowing!” Eridan yelped in excitement. Karkat jumped from Eridan's sudden outburst and fell to the floor with a thud. “Jesus Eridan,” he said, rubbing his bottom.

“You know for someone who isn't religious...” Eridan said with a grin.

“Yeah yeah I know. But you know what they say, even atheists believe in god in the bedroom,” Karkat said, returning the smile. 

“Oh my god Kar,” Eridan said, feeling his face flush with heat. 

“See what I mean?” Karkat asked, a laugh flooding his words. 

Karkat walked over to his window sill and watched as the soft, white flakes gently fell from the sky. He couldn't believe it was November already. He sighed as he fell limp against the window. He didn't like the snow. He didn't like the sterile white aspect of it. It was too clean, too perfect. No world was perfect. 

Karkat felt the entire room fall silent as he stared out at the snow. The many cars driving around in it. The buildings with their roofs getting slowly covered in the white powder. Almost like sugar on a cake, it held a sweet sentiment to it. The snow that promised no school on days where it fell in blankets. The snow that held a warm look despite how cold it was to the touch. 

He hated it.

DAY 22 AT 3:30PM

Eridan had been moved from the room so some tests could be done on him. Blood tests, bone tests, all sorts of tests. Most importantly, he needed a vision test. 

He had lost his glasses in the accident and had to have one of the pieces of glass surgically removed from his eye. If he could still see out of that eye was a complete and utter mystery. It had been nothing but a dark blur for the past three weeks, and he needed that eye for what he was going to do once he got out of the hospital.

That’s right, he was getting out within the next couple of weeks. 

Eridan shook his head to try and rid himself of the thought. He closed his eyes harshly before the optometrist entered the room. 

“Something wrong?” she asked as she sat down on the other side of the optic machine.

“Oh! Oh no. Nothing is wrong,” he said with a sad laugh.

“Alright then,” she said, setting down her paperwork and setting up the machine.

Eridan felt incredibly nervous as the machine began to hum and stir. He shifted in his chair, thinking about how Karkat would be sitting in that hospital room alone. 

“There's no reason to be nervous Mr Ampora,” the optometrist said, trying to ease her patient's nerves.

“Well, my life depends on my vision, you see,” he said. He then snickered at the fact that he just made a pun. The optometrist too chuckled at the unintentional pun.

“Yes, I can see that,” she said with a grin. Eridan realized that this lady was one of the nicest doctors he had ever met. 

“Now, I guess I should introduce myself. I am Doctor Lalonde, and yes I specialize in optics. But that's pretty obvious at this point I suppose,” she said placing her hands on the table. “If your vision is in tip top shape, you'll be out of the hospital within the week.”

Eridan's heart began to beat in this throat. Within the week? He only hoped that his vision was in piss poor shape.

DAY 22 AT 4:30 PM.

“Well it seems like your eye has completely recovered,” Dr. Lalonde said with a smile. 

Eridan felt sick to his stomach. He would be leaving within the week. Karkat was going to be pissed. 

“Also, about your room...” she trailed off.

“No! No! I'm okay with where I am! I get a wonderful view of the snow covered city. Please, I don't want to move,” Eridan said frantically.

“Oh, erm... okay,” she said, rather shocked at Eridan's reaction. “I'll have a doctor escort you back to your room in that case.”

“Thank you,” Eridan said, grabbing his crutches.

As he made his way back to his room, he was dead quiet as the doctor gabbed on about cats and knitting. His mind was racing. How was he going to break the news to Karkat? He was sure that he would be thrilled that he wasn't leaving in a body bag, but at the same time Eridan didn't want to leave Karkat there on his own. 

The doctor opened the door and ushered Eridan inside before closing it with a soft click. Karkat had been sleeping on the cot when he entered the room. Karkat was pouting in his sleep, holding the magazine he had tossed earlier close to him. It had been curled over to view Zodiac horoscopes. The Cancer one had been circled five or six times. He tried to pry the magazine out of Karkat's hands to read it. He had been successful and Karkat had not woken up.

The magazine was a typical magazine for all the gossip of today's celebrities targeted towards teenage girls. It was like People but for a younger audience. Perhaps the 15-19 age division. The horoscope page reflected that, seeing as it was colourful with bubble letters scattered across the page. He looked at Aquarius, naturally. All it seemed to go on about was finding someone new in your life. Eridan chuckled and looked back down at the sleeping boy in the cot. He then drew his attention back to the Cancer horoscope.

The page had been covered in red. Not even that of a red pen, but blood red. Eridan stood horrified. The word “lie” stood out on the page, written in the red, syrupy liquid. The horoscope itself was rather defeatist in which it said that there was no point in doing anything that day. Failure was imminent. 

Eridan then decided to look at the date of the magazine. It was from June 2009. That gave Eridan an idea of when Karkat had died. Perhaps it was June or even a month after that. Either way Karkat had died in summer. At least, that’s what he thought.

Not too long after the discovery, Karkat began to stir. Panicked, Eridan put the magazine back on the bed in a flash. The pictures of celebrities smiling at him made him uneasy as Karkat's eyes opened. 

“Oh, hey,” Karkat said with a yawn and a stretch. He smiled with his entire face, not just his mouth.

“Hey sleepy head,” Eridan said, trying to mask the concern in his voice.

Karkat looked down at the magazine on the bed, and the smile quickly faded. 

“You looked didn't you,” Karkat asked, his voice like ice. It didn't even come across as a question, but an accusatory statement. 

“I don't see why that was a secret Kar, I mean... I get if you were angry at your horoscope but that was a bit much,” Eridan said.

“You idiot,” Karkat said, sitting up and snatching the magazine. “My birthday is June 12th. I’m not even under that star sign,” his tone was like venom. 

Suddenly it all clicked in Eridan's head. 

“Kar...” Eridan felt his eyebrows knot at the centre of his forehead. 

“Don't fucking say it! Don't you dare fucking say it!” Karkat screeched. 

“But-” Karkat cut Eridan off before he could finish his sentence.  
“Don't you fucking dare! You can't just make assumptions it doesn't work like that! You can't fucking 'guess' the cause of death like its some kind of fucking game show you rich prick!” Karkat bolted up off the bed, the magazine in a death grip in his hand. 

“You said suicide,” Eridan said meekly.

“And that’s exactly what it is! No other things behind it, that’s it!” Karkat continued to yell, tears forming in his eyes. 

“I'm sorry,” Eridan said. 

“And another fucking thing, if I find out you texted Sollux to find this shit out, I will fucking cut your stupid eyes out of your head!” 

DAY 23 AT 8:30 PM

Eridan had actually considered taking up Dr. Lalonde's offer in switching to a different room. It ached to be in that room with Karkat after what happened the previous day. He left his phone turned off out of respect, but Karkat just feverishly read the magazine until he fell asleep again. Eridan knew there was no way Karkat would forgive him that quick, so he had an idea.

He decided to call Feferi really quick. 

She arrived to the room in a flash. Eridan was surprised at how quick she made it up to the 20th floor. 

“What do you need?” she asked.

Eridan shushed her so that she wouldn't wake Karkat up. “You see that magazine in the corner?” he whispered. Feferi looked over to where Eridan was pointing and nodded.

“Can you get me the latest issue of that magazine if its still in print?” He asked, his whisper breaking halfway through his question. 

“Oh, of course. I can get that for you,” she said with a smile. “Might not be until tomorrow but I can get it for you.”

“Thanks Fef. I appreciate it,” Eridan said with a smile. 

DAY 23 AT 12:30 AM

Karkat rolled over on the floor, feeling more agitated than normal. He sat up and glanced over at the cot in the dark. Maybe he had been too harsh earlier with Eridan. He looked down at the ground, at the black linoleum that seemed like an endless sea in the dark. He sighed before gently placing his hand on the floor. It was cold, colder than him. His hand clenched into a fist and he felt his eyes sting with tears. 

“I fucked up,” he whispered, feeling a sob catch in his throat. “I really fucked up.”

Eridan stirred slightly on the cot and Karkat looked up surprised. He felt himself shrink in the small room and laid down the floor. He tried to press himself close to the floor, almost trying to disappear or sink to the room below. He felt like absolute shit and he didn't need anyone's pity to make him feel worse. He had enough of that when he was alive. 

As Eridan continued to stir, Karkat felt himself squish into the floor even more, eventually becoming so uncomfortable that he couldn't manage to squish down any further. 

“What the fuck am I even doing?” he asked himself quietly as he returned to his original position on the floor.

“Kar? Are you awake or something?” Eridan called from the cot with a yawn. 

Karkat didn't want to answer. He flopped onto his side and began to make shuffling noises to indicate that he was simply adjusting his sleeping position.

“If you're uncomfy you can come up here and sleep with me. I don't mind it at all,” Eridan added, his voice like silk.

Karkat felt his entire body melt at the sound of Eridan's voice. He felt even more guilty for threatening him at all. He pouted into his arm before getting up and crawling into the cot with Eridan.

“I'm sorry I threatened you,” he muttered into Eridan's back..

“I forgive you Kar. I forgive you.”

DAY 24 AT 12:58 PM

“Holy shit you got Feferi to get me all of these?” Karkat asked, stunned by the amount of magazines near his window sill.

“Yeah, I thought you would like them,” Eridan said with a smile. 

“Woah! This is amazing!” Karkat exclaimed, flipping through various copies of People and Vogue. 

Eridan felt warm inside seeing Karkat so happy. He didn't want to break the news of his departure to him but he really had to soon, and this moment seemed like it was the best time to do it.

“Okay, Kar. I need to tell you something. Something serious,” he said, fidgeting.

“Oh, uh, okay. What is it?” Karkat placed the magazine back on the neat stack.

“I got some news from the doctor. It is partly good news and partly bad news,” Eridan continued, feeling his heart hammering in his chest with anxiety.

“Oh no,” Karkat said, getting up onto his feet.

“So, it turns out my eyes are completely healed up,” Eridan said firmly.

“You asshole. What if I wanted to hear the bad news first?” Karkat asked, his voice sounding shaky.

“Kar, this is serious,” Eridan said, looking harshly at him. Karkat thought his green eyes looked like poison tipped daggers. The stare actually managed to hurt him, and he leaned against the wall like a wounded animal. 

“I won't be in the hospital for much longer Kar. They said I got a week before they want me out,” Eridan glanced at the floor away from Karkat to lessen the blow, but Karkat still sank to the floor against the wall. His head dropped down and his hair followed. 

“I wish I was bound to you instead of this fucking room,” he muttered, curling his legs up to his chest to hide his face in his knees. His body began to tremor with what Eridan thought were sobs. 

“Kar I'm so sorry,” he said, going to get out of his cot to comfort the crying boy.

“I'm selfish as fuck. You're not leaving in a body bag. For that I should be thankful,” Karkat muttered, trying to mask his sobs and failing to do so. 

Eridan rushed to get out his cot and tripped over his own feet. He fell to the floor with a thud and a yell. Karkat looked up startled to see Eridan face first on the floor.

“Oh shit! Eridan are you okay?!” he yelled, quickly scrambling over to Eridan, who laid on the floor in a small pool of blood.

“Oh god this is my fault. Oh fuck oh fuck!” he panicked as he picked Eridan up off the floor and saw that he had a broken nose. Karkat sighed in relief, but he still felt the painful hammering in his chest that was so unnatural for him in the state he was in. Eridan blinked painfully and looked up into Karkat's big brown eyes. The brown eyes he grew to love. 

“Kar, I'll be fine,” he said leaning against the nightstand to get himself back up on the cot. Eridan looked down at the pool of blood on the floor as drops continued to fall from his nose. He swore at himself, putting a hand to his nose to try and stop the bleeding. Karkat handed him some tissues to attempt collect the blood on something other than the floor or his hospital gown. 

Karkat plopped down on the cot next to him, head in his hands. 

“Maybe it's for the best that you leave here,” he said solemnly. “Knowing me has only caused you pain.”

“Kar don't be like that,” Eridan said soothingly, placing a hand on Karkat's shoulder. 

“Its true though,” he said, choking on a sob in his throat. “Like when you first got here, your heart just stopped and I couldn't do anything to help you.”

“Kar, you can't keep holding on to bad things like that okay? I'm fine now and you probably did do something to help. I truly believe you did,” Eridan said, pulling Karkat into a hug.

Karkat felt himself melt in Eridan's arms. I can't hold on to the bad things, huh? Karkat thought, closing his eyes.


	5. WEEK 5

Week 5

DAY 30

Karkat sat in his usual place in the dark hopsital room. The snow kept him from opening the window and looking out at the world which had been blanketed with something so solemn and clean: the colour white. 

He placed one hand upon the glass, and the world blurred for a moment.

“God fucking dammit,” he said, vigorously wiping his eyes as they flooded with tears. 

The day finally came where Eridan had to leave the hospital, and Karkat didn't even get to say goodbye. 

By the time Karkat had woken up that morning, the cot's sheets were changed, the machines had been turned off and the room was dark. He turned around and glanced at the cot, perfectly made and untouched. 

Karkat hopped off the window sill and walked over to the cot. The neatness of the room taunted him. 

“I didn't get to say goodbye,” he muttered. His hand curled into a fist.

“I didn't even get to say that I love you!” He yelled, punching the cot. 

He sobbed harshly with every strike to the small hospital bed. 

“Why am I stuck to this fucking place I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!” he yelled more and more as he continued to hit the cot.

It had been a solid hour since he started hitting the cot, and there were no dents in the frame despite how hard he had been hitting the bed. He gave up on hitting it and slumped down beside it. He had never felt so alone. 

“Why does this have to keep happening?” he muttered to himself. “What did I do to deserve this?” 

He felt pathetic. He was sitting in a dark room, on the floor, crying like an child who has his toy taken away. 

“I hate you dad. I hate you for doing this to me! You selfish fucking prick I hope you're dead too!” he continued to wail. 

“I was only a kid and this is how you treated me! You never even visited me in this fucking room!” he stood up and pulled the sheets off the cot. He then threw them at the nearest wall. He then kicked the frame of the cot, sending it flying across the room. 

“I had finally found someone who loved me back for once and I can't even say that I love him because I'm stuck in this fucking hell!” He then tossed the machinery over sounding an alarm through the building, but he didn't care. Temper tantrum or not, Karkat found it necessary to destroy the room he had never even touched. He found it necessary to break apart the room he had been trapped in for so long. He needed to find an escape.

He lifted the IV machine and threw it at the window. The window shattered upon impact and the snow began to blow into the room. Was this the escape he was looking for?

He hopped back up on the window sill as the doctors started to pound on the door that had been blocked by the cot. 

“Why do you care? I'm dead you fucking shits!” he yelled from the window. He sliced his hand on the broken glass as he held on the to the sides of the pane. He was ready to jump from the window. He looked at the snow twenty stories down.

“Deja Vu huh,” he muttered to himself, wiping more tears from his eyes. He was scared. Even if he was already dead, he was still scared of the drop. It was still very high for his stature. 

Karkat swung his legs around to the outside of the window. Nothing was keeping him in the room. There was no invisible force binding him to the room. 

“No. No, no, no this isn't right,” Karkat said, pulling himself back into the room. “There's no pain, this isn't right. This isn't right. What the fuck is going on?” 

He slid off the window sill on to the linoleum with a thud. He backed up away from the broken window. The harsh winter wind burned his face as it whirled around the room. 

“No!” he yelped as he met the opposite wall. “No this can't be happening!”

He curled up next to the wall with his head between his knees. 

“What is going on?” he whined.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The snow fell softly that morning. Eridan walked out of the hospital doors on crutches and with regrets. The doctors weren't going to understand why he wanted to stay in the room and say goodbye to the boy who was stuck in that room for eternity. They would laugh in his face and say “what other person in there? That room is empty”.

It was as if the evidence Karkat laid out for them everyday wasn't enough for them to realize that someone was truly trapped in there. Karkat told Eridan that he would tear up the sheets, splash the remaining IV fluid on the walls, tear apart blood pacs, and lay needles around the room. 

Eridan shook his head. He looked up at the window of his old room. 

“A month, huh,” he muttered to himself, condensation from his breath fogging up his glasses. Sollux decided that it was wise for Eridan to actually see when he left the hospital. 

A blue Subaru pulled up to the hospital's car loop. The car was scratched up for something that was only 4 years old. Sollux rolled down the window.

“So, you all healed up and ready to go?” he asked, unlocking the passenger side door. 

Eridan sighed. “They didn't let me say goodbye to him.”

Sollux returned the sigh. “So he's stuck in there for the rest of eternity?” he asked.

Eridan nodded.

Suddenly something grabbed Sollux's attention. A piece of hospital equipment plummeting for at least twenty stories up. 

“Uh, ED I think he's trying to get out,” he said.

Eridan spun around to see the machine hit the ground and explode into a thousand pieces. Was Karkat trying to tell him something?

“Oh fuck. Kar I'm coming for you,” he said, rushing to get back into the building.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The pounding on the door wouldn't stop. The alarm wouldn't stop. It was complete sensory overload. 

Karkat kept his eyes shut tight, hoping the current situation wasn't real. He hoped it was a nightmare that he could wake up from. He hoped he would soon wake up to be next to Eridan in the small, uncomfortable hospital bed. 

He very well knew this was the last chance he was going to get before being dragged down to the hell that he always believed was metaphorical. He always considered his father's ranting to be bullshit, but he was about to experience the depths of hell for real. 

The harsh winter wind continued to blow through his hair and the snow accumulated around him. 

“Eridan I need you,” he whimpered. 

He continued to curl up within himself. He really wished he didn't break the window now. The room was freezing, even for him. He had done the worst possible damage to the room, and this could be the last time he sees it ever again. 

Eventually the alarm stopped. It had been stopped by the doctors. Karkat hadn't realized that they managed to get the door open and shut everything off in the room. He raised his head from his knees to see all the white coats and the blue scrubs rush around to fix the room. 

“I hate you,” Karkat murmured.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“No you don't understand I left something in that room!” Eridan yelled at the receptionist sitting before him. 

“We'll send someone to go get it for you. You can't just go roaming through the ICU,” she said without looking up. She continued to type on her computer. Eridan had had enough of her dismissive attitude.  
“Do you remember having a patient named 'Karkat Vantas' about five years ago?” he asked, placing his crutches against the counter.

“Yeah. Died. Jumped from the window in that room. What of it?” she asked.

“Any other information you can tell me?” he asked, frustrated at the receptionist's reply.

“I'm afraid that's classified. Don't you know anything about doctor patient confidentiality?” she said, putting a piece of gum into her mouth.

“Why does that matter when your 'patient' is dead and is haunting that room!” he exclaimed.

The receptionist laughed at Eridan's statement. “You must have hit your head pretty hard. Ghosts don't exist you moron!” she guffawed.

“If you don't let me up to that room right now I will sue this establishment. Ever heard of Ampora Trading Corp?” he threatened.

The receptionist began to look nervous. She quickly typed some codes into her computer and gave Eridan a key card. Eridan nodded and walked over to the elevator.

The elevator felt as if it was run on a hamster wheel. It felt slow in such a dire situation. He tapped his good foot while waiting to reach the 20th floor.

The elevator stopped various times to let patients on and doctors off and so forth. This only angered Eridan, for it was a waste of precious time. He groaned as a child begun to press the buttons in the elevator to make a “pretty light decoration” as she called it. Her mother scolded her, and they left the elevator quickly. But he was stuck in the elevator for at least 40 more stops. This was unnecessary. 

After an hour Eridan was finally on the floor he was looking for, and he saw the room surrounded by doctors and security personnel. Eridan rushed over. 

Feferi gave him a concerned look.

“Fef what on Earth happened here?” he asked, panicked.

“The doctors don't know but you and I both know what happened here,” she said solemnly.

“Can I go in?” he asked poking the door with his crutch. Feferi shook her head.

“Its off limit right now, even to the staff. I heard they called an exorcist, but that could be a joke,” she said, trying to force herself to laugh. 

“So they actually do believe he's still there,” he muttered to himself. “I don't care about restrictions, I'm going in there.”

“Eridan you can't. You'll get thrown out of the building,” Feferi said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Fef, its for Kar. He's probably losing his mind in there. I have to save him.”

 

Karkat sat and stared at the doctors as they fixed the room once again. He felt numb and powerless to do any more damage to the room.

“I fucking hate you all,” he muttered to himself, crying into his sleeves. 

“Kar!” 

Karkat looked up at the door. He felt a thud in his chest again. A painful thud. 

“Eridan? You came back for me?” Karkat asked in a tiny voice. 

Eridan pounded on the door, but the doctors ignored it.

“Eridan its locked! They locked it before they came in!” Karkat yelled, standing up. 

“Can you get out?” Eridan asked.

Karkat touched the door. No sting.

“I think I can!” Karkat yelled back.

“Phase through the wall. I'll be here for you on the other side,” Eridan said sweetly. 

Karkat placed his hand against the cold door. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in, bracing himself for any sparks or stinging he would experience. He felt his hand begin to slip through the door, and it caught him by surprise. He placed his other hand on the door and felt it begin to slide through. The sensation was extremely uncomfortable and foreign, unlike anything he had ever experienced before. He was scared of going further through.

“Eridan can you see my hands?” Karkat asked, feeling his voice crack.

“Yeah I can! Why?” Eridan asked, eagerly.

“I'm going to need you to pull me through,” Karkat said. “I'm scared.”

“Don't worry Kar, I got you,” Eridan said, grabbing Karkat's hands that were now on the other side of the door. 

Karkat closed his eyes as he felt Eridan's warm touch. He took another deep breath and felt the sting that kept him in the room. He felt his heart sink in defeat.

“Eridan! Stop! It hurts!” Karkat yelled, trying to pull his hands away from Eridan's grip. 

“Kar, no! You can't still be bound to that room! It's impossible!” Eridan yelped, feeling his grip weaken. 

“Eridan I'm sorry!” Karkat yelled, pulling his arms back through the door. He rubbed his arm where it had burnt him and looked solemnly at the door.

“Fef I'm going to pick the lock,” Eridan said, placing one of his crutches against the wall. He threw the other one behind him.

“Eridan no, you'll get kicked out!” Feferi exclaimed as she caught the flying crutch. 

“I have to Fef! I can't leave him in there!” he yelled, pounding at the door. 

“Kar you gotta try again!” 

“Eridan I can't! It still hurts me!” Karkat yelled from the other side of the door.

One of the doctors working in the room looked at the door angrily. He walked right through Karkat and kicked at the door. “Enough! Who are you yelling at?” he yelled through the door.

Karkat felt ill. Someone had walked through him, and they weren't moving. He wondered to himself if he could possess people or objects and walk through the door without it hurting him. All he knew is that he had to try. 

He slipped his hand into the doctor's labcoat, and felt it phase into him. He closed his eyes, took another deep breath, and stepped into the doctor's body. It felt strange at first; he felt a beating heart and the internal warmth he had lost all memory of. He reached for the doorknob and felt no static or sting. He unlocked the door and stepped through it. 

Eridan stepped back, thinking the doctor would kick him out of the building for being where he wasn't supposed to be. Soon enough, Karkat stepped out of the doctor and fell against the floor.

Feferi quickly shoved the doctor back into the room before he would realize what was happening. 

“Well, that worked,” Karkat said, sounding more exhausted then he had ever been.

DAY 31

Karkat remembered how Sollux's house looked verbadum. All the dents in the walls from the previous owners, all the scuff marks on the floor from him and his brother wore their skater shoes inside the house, and the scratched up door frame to the kitchen that had recorded his and Karkat's height. He traced his fingers over the familiar scratches in the door frame. He looked up to where the scratches ended only to see the words “I'm sorry” scratched in with red flecks in the letters. He glanced over at Sollux sitting solemnly at the kitchen table at the end of the long hallway like kitchen. Eridan shared the same gloomy expression. They both looked like they were unsure of what to do now. 

“So he's here with you now,” Sollux said, twiddling his thumbs against the small, plywood table. 

“Yeah, he managed to attatch himself to me instead of that room. Its a good thing for him, but I don't know about you,” Eridan trailed off as he looked up at the young man sitting across from him. Sollux's eyes were sullen and filled with sadness. 

“I never had the chance to help KK when he really needed it,” Sollux said.

Karkat looked back at the door frame solemnly. All the time he had destroyed became obvious as he looked around the small house. He was now fully aware of the life he wasted, and how he was wasting someone else's.

“Eridan,” Karkat called.

Eridan looked up from the table. “Yes?”

“I need to talk to you. I need to tell you what I should have told you all along,”


	6. FINAL DAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for dark methods of attempted suicide and medical procedures.

DAY 31 – FINAL DAY

Karkat walked upstairs with Eridan, tracing the walls as he walked up the stairs. Eridan felt uncomfortable just wandering around Sollux's house, despite being upstairs in the past. Karkat felt another hammering in his chest. He was terrified of revealing the truth to Eridan, but he was more terrfied of what would happpen after the truth had been revealed. 

“Kar, you okay?” Eridan asked, once they had reached the 2nd floor landing. 

“Yeah... I... I'm fine. I just need... I need you to know the truth,” Karkat said, his voice shakey.

Eridan reached out for Karkat's hand, but Karkat retracted his hand.

“No... no, Eridan this is serious okay? I need to tell you something serious. Actually I might be able to show you. Ghosts can portray their memories, or at least I think they can. It would be easier, on me at least, if I just showed you this first,” Karkat rambled, fidgeting.

“Kar that sounds incredibly cheesy,” Eridan said.

“I know it sounds like something out of a dumb horror movie or drama or whatever, but I was able to walk through walls yesterday so I don't know what ghostly shit I'm actually able to do or not,” Karkat said, his voice sounding more panicked.

“Hey Kar, calm down, okay? Its all okay,” Eridan said, trying to pull Karkat into his arms, but he only pulled away.

“Fuck, Eridan hold on a second okay? This takes some preperation. Mentally and physically,” he said, sounding defensive. Almost like he did when they first met. 

Eridan sighed and put his hands down. 

“Kar, I don't understand what you're trying to do,” he said, frustrated.

Karkat took a deep breath in and slowly grabbed Eridan's hand. Eridan winced. It was colder than normal. He placed Eridan's hand on his chest and took another deep breath. He then closed his eyes.

There was silence for twenty minutes. Then Eridan decided to speak up.

“Kar if you're trying to get me to see something I can't see shit,” he said rather deadpan.

“Shh! I said it takes concentration,” Karkat said, opening one eye to shoot Eridan a glare.

“Kar this seance isn't working.”

“I said shhh!!” 

It took Eridan a couple minutes to realize that he too needed to close his eyes. After a couple of blinks, Eridan was able to see things when he closed his eyes. It took him by surprise. He was back in the hospital room.

 

The room was different. It was a lot brighter than Eridan had remembered it to be. The floor was not black anymore, it was a light tan. The walls weren't white, they were a light blue. It was rather aesthetically pleasing. He wondered why the staff had redecorated this room. Then he remembered what he was doing in there in the first place. He wasn't technically there.

Seconds later, a young boy was walked into the room along with an older looking man who appeared to be his father. The young boy was rather pale compared to his father, and Eridan would have placed him at at least eight years old. The father looked disappointed, and this surprised Eridan. Unless the kid had done something stupid, why on Earth would this be the current situation?

“Dad, am I going to die?” the young boy asked, sitting on the cot.

“No, no they are going to help you, okay? You're going to be fine,” the father reassured. 

Soon after, a nurse appeared in the room with an IV bag on a cart. The bag didn't look like the typical saline solution that the doctors used on Eridan. It was more opaque, cloudy and brown. Eridan couldn't make out the words on the bag. He was too distracted by the child's distress at the situation.

“No! No! I don't like needles!” he yelled, starting to panic on the cot.

“Now, now, this won't hurt a bit. I promise,” the nurse said, grabbing the little boy's arm gently.

The little boy gasped at the touch. He closed his eyes and looked away as the nurse started the procedure. He started to cry as the drug started to enter into his body. He was frightened by his predicament, but Eridan still had no clue what Karkat was trying to show him.

“Kar, I don't understand,” Eridan said into the open air.

“Okay, let me try something else. This is hard for me, okay?” Karkat said, his voice sounding lke a booming deity. 

The scene then changed. The room felt darker, and it became evident to Eridan that the little boy was Karkat, and the strange older man was indeed his father. The same old man that Karkat described as an awful human being.

Karkat was alone in the room. The blinds were shut and the lights were off. The only sound that Eridan could hear was the heart monitor. It was different from the one he remembered in his room. The light was blue instead of red. This seemed to be such a minute detail in the room but the technology wasn't as advanced. This was in the past. Karkat didn't even look that old, lying in the bed. 

He had an oxygen mask on his face. Eridan felt his heart drop when he saw all the cuts along his arms. 

“Kar why?” he asked the air, his voice almost breaking on the words like glass. 

“I don't understand why you're feeling emotion from this,” Karkat's voice boomed again.

“Come on! I love you more than anything and you show me your past! I don't understand the relevance!” Eridan yelled.

Karkat sighed. 

\--

Karkat opened his eyes and Eridan was shot back into reality. Karkat appeared to be fidgeting when Eridan saw him. He was tugging at his black hoodie, his eyes glued to the wooden floor. 

“Eridan this is really hard or me to just come out and say. You're not clever enough to get my subtle hints?” Karkat asked, his voice sounding as if it would just shatter into a thousand pieces. 

“Kar, its all vague as hell,” Eridan replied. “Its also very upsetting.”

“I don't understand why, considering I'm fucking dead already” Karkat said.

“Look, Kar, please get to the point. You're killing me inside,” Eridan said.

Karkat groaned and grabbed both of Eridan's hands gently, feeling his face flush with heat as he did so. He felt that familiar painful thud again, and winced at the pain. He felt his eyes sting as he looked up at Eridan, wearing thick, black glasses. He found that those glasses masked Eridan's green eyes. The same green eyes that made him feel alive again. 

“Eridan I...” Karkat trailed off, tears beginning to flood his eyes. 

“Kar... Its okay, okay?” Eridan said, pulling his and Karkat's hands closer to him. He then kissed Karkat's forehead. Karkat found that to be an invitation to throw himself into Eridan's arms, bawling. His entire body shuddered with every sob that escaped him. Eridan could only soothe him by rubbing his back. 

“Eridan, you know why I was always on that window sill?” Karkat asked, his voice muddled with sobs.

“Why is that?” Eridan asked.

“I jumped from there,” Karkat murmered. “It was my only way out.”

“So thats how you did it?” Eridan asked, his eyebrows arched the same way they were before whenever Karkat had a nightmare, or was panicking due to a foreign medical procedures. 

“Overdose wasn't an option. An alarm would sound if I ripped out my IV or grabbed a needle of a really fucking weird drug.” Karkat said, wiping his eyes. 

“Kar... why did you keep going back to the hospital? It couldn't be because of the depression or anything... could it?” Eridan asked, his eyebrows continuing to arch.

“Well... I'm not going to lie... I did attempt it once or twice. That last memory I showed you, that was my first attempt. I tried a bottle of my dad's whiskey and a bottle of Tylenol. It was painful as fuck the next morning,” Karkat said, feeling himself return to a calmed emotional state. 

“Kar...”

“But... I can tell you now,” Karkat said, pulling away from Eridan. “But once I tell you, I think I might fade away forever.”

Eridan felt his heart pound in his throat. “Kar I don't want you to go!” he yelled.

“Eridan,” Karkat said sternly. “I'm a ghost. I'm dead. I can't take up your whole life. I wish I could have met you when I was alive. Maybe you could've given me hope.”

Karkat sighed and closed his eyes. He grasped Eridan's hands once more, even more gentle than before. He looked at Eridan's face. Concern wasn't what he wanted plastered on his pale, freckled face. Karkat pulled in close to Eridan, and their lips met once again. Karkat wanted to see if a more intimate touch would let him show him what was so hard to say. 

Their embrace wasn't warm like it was before. Eridan shuddered at the bitter cold of Karkat's lips, and Karkat felt himself melt at the touch of Eridan's overwhelming warmth. 

Eridan eased into Karkat's touch and closed his eyes.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Eridan opened his eyes he was in the hospital room again. Karkat was on the cot, curled up and sobbing into his knees. Sollux was there too, sitting at his bed side, distaught. 

Bloodstains were on the sheets from, what Eridan assumed to be, failed attempts of the nurses taking blood for endless tests and possible treatments. When Eridan saw the brown coloured solution in the IV bag beside him, he had a feeling he knew what was going on. 

“KK, I'm so sorry I had no idea,” Sollux muttered. 

“What the hell am I supposed to do?” Karkat said, muffled by sobbing and endless streams of tears. “I can't face her ever again like this.”

Sollux felt his heart sink. He knew that Karkat was referencing Terezi. Being the harbourer and inbetween for both Karkat's and Terezi's secrets took a toll on him, because he wanted to tell Karkat everything but had sworn not to. All he could do was sit and reassure him that everything would be alright.

“KK you can fight this okay? It's not over,” Sollux said, attempting to be reassuring.

“Sollux. You don't get it, I got told it was over. It is over. I'm going to fucking die,” Karkat said, throwing his arms in the air. The look of defeat was on his face, and it make Eridan's heart shatter. 

“KK--” Sollux was interrupted.

“Sollux, stop trying to be the fucking ray of sunshine in the dark. There is no bright alternative to this. Its fucking Leukemia. I'm done.” Karkat said.

Sollux stood up from his chair abruptly. The frustration was evident on his face.

“Fine, you know what? Fuck it. I have been by your side through thick and thin, I tell you you're going to make it and you just fucking throw it back at me. Go kill yourself then if you don't want the Cancer to!” Sollux yelled, tears building up in his eyes. Soon after, he stormed out the room, slamming the door. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eridan opened his eyes, and soon realized he was crying. Karkat pulled away, feeling lighter than air.

“So it was Cancer all along...” Eridan muttered, feeling Karkat pull away from him.

“Yeah... Can you tell Sollux that I'm not mad at him for me? I doubt I can say much more after telling you the truth,” Karkat said, slowly turning translucent. 

Karkat's entire body seemed to be dissolving into the air. It took Eridan a minute to realize that this was it. Karkat told him the truth so that he could move on. The shock of all of it hit him like a brick wall. 

“No! Kar don't go! Please!” Eridan yelled, reaching for Karkat's hand, only to find that his hand went through Karkat's. 

Eridan's heart nearly stopped in that instant. He couldn't reach Karkat anymore. The one person he loved more than life itself was now unreachable and untouchable. The tears came on like rain. 

Karkat smiled sadly. “Eridan. Thank you so much for getting me out of that awful place. If it weren't for you, I would have been trapped there for eternity,” he said, feeling his eyes well up with tears once again.

“Kar, you can stay you know... You don't have to go!” Eridan said desperately. He still kept trying to grab Karkat's hand to reassure that he could stay and haunt him. 

“I love having you around! Please don't go!” 

“Eridan, you need to start living your own life okay? I very much doubt you could live your life with your lover being a ghost. That sounds like a weird sitcom,” Karkat joked.

The joke didn't register with Eridan, but he laughed anyway. It was sad and forced, but it was the last joke that Karkat would ever tell him. He would miss Karkat's dark sense of humor. 

“I love you, okay? I will always love you and watch over you,” Karkat said, fading away even faster than before. “Promise me you'll live on. For the both of us.” 

Eridan had never heard Karkat actually say those three words, and he wished that it wasn't for the last time.

“I love you too Kar. I love you so, so much. I'll miss you,” Eridan said, taking his glasses off to wipe the tears away. 

“I'll miss you too,” Karkat said, feeling a sob arise in his throat. “You can always visit me, you know. Sollux knows where to find me.”

“I promise I'll leave flowers everyday,” Eridan said, sobbing harder.

Karkat gave Eridan a kiss on the forehead. Eridan pulled Karkat down into one last kiss before he faded away. There was no contact in it, but it still felt real to Eridan. He continued to wipe away the last few tears in his eyes before putting his glasses on. 

Eridan took solace in the fact that he got to kiss him one last time, even if it didn't last as long as he had wanted it to.


	7. EPILOGUE

EPILOGUE

Sollux pulled his blue Toyota up to the parking lot of the local cemetery. He felt the need to wear black for the occasion, despite the warm weather. Eridan had bought a bouquet of roses, like he had promised. He felt sad that this was the last way he could see Karkat ever again, but he still felt happy that Karkat could finally rest in peace instead of wandering around in limbo like he was lost.

But he wasn't lost. He found Eridan after all. Truly that doesn't mean that he was lost.

They both exited the car, and glanced at the directory to try and find Karkat. Sollux wrote it down a pad that he had brought with him, and they wandered the cemetery looking for Karkat's tombstone.

“Okay so, it should be the next one on the left,” Sollux said solemnly.

Eridan wasn't prepared to see Karkat's grave. It wasn't in the best shape, but it was his last mark on the world. Eridan knelt down next to the stone to see the dates. He blew the dirt off the stone to reveal that Karkat was only 15 when he died. Eridan sucked at his teeth.

“Kar, you had so much ahead of you,” he whispered to the stone. He kissed the top of the stone delicately, as if it would break on contact.

“I brought you flowers. Like I promised,” he said, placing them gently on the grass.

Sollux felt awkward standing around while other people passed him. He felt uncomfortable going anywhere with Eridan, but this was different. He felt it necessary to do this for Karkat. He had felt guilt for a long ten years, and he felt that he owed him a lot, even in death.

He walked up to the gravestone and placed a necklace on the stone. It was that of the Cancer zodiac.

“I know we joked about this for a long time, and I actually bought you this because you said you wanted it. I kept it all this time you know. I still feel bad for what I said,” Sollux said, kneeling down next to Eridan.

The wind picked up slightly as Sollux finished talking, taking the necklace with the breeze. Sollux felt his heart drop before he realized that the breeze could have been Karkat taking the necklace back.

“I guess I can't ask you to see if KK is talking,” he chuckled.

  
Eridan returned the laugh before standing up.

“I love you Karkat,” Eridan said, blowing one last kiss towards the stone.

“Wait, ED,” Sollux said, pulling a piece of paper and some tape from his pocket.

“I know this will get removed eventually, but I wrote something that could be engraved on the stone. His dad never had the balls to write something nice about the son who's medical bills were higher than the total net worth of the New York Mets,” Sollux joked.

“Haha, that sounded like something Kar would say,” Eridan said with a hint of sentiment.

“You can tell we were best friends,” Sollux said, taping the paper to the stone.

“You still are, you know,” Eridan said with a sad smile.

Sollux nodded and smiled at the piece of paper taped to the stone.

“Alright, let's go home. It's my turn to cook tonight,” Eridan said, throwing his hands in his pockets.

“True,” Sollux said with a chuckle.  
As they walked away from the tombstone, the piece of paper taped to it, flapped in the wind. Sollux's handwriting wasn't the greatest, but it was legible to anyone who visited.

 

_To the most wonderful best friend I have ever known, and to the most loving ghost Eridan has known,_

 

_Thank you for leaving your mark on the world, the world would have been so different if you weren't in it. Even if it was for a short while, and that short while occured twice (haha you know I love things in twos). I'm glad that I, I mean we, had the chance to meet you. I hope you find peace in your long nap and we hope to meet you again some day._

 

_From the bee nerd himself, along with Mr Hipster Face_

_Sollux and Eridan._

 

_Gone, but missed dearly. Karkat Vantas._


End file.
